Time to fly

Do you know why mom and dad are like that?
I dont care
What?
Its their business.I dont need to know
Dont u think u should know?
For what..what can i do about it if i know? I know too much.thats the problem.

Mel, i wish i have your simple-mindedness sometimes.I wish you were the only one born to this world.You love them both.What about how i feel?I laugh a lot eh?I joke all the time. I act as if i'm nonchalant, as if im made of steel, lacking all emotions.I'm selfish too eh?For asking what i really need?Go ahead...Since when were you there when i need someone most?Since when did anyone really understand

I'm sick of this.I did what i could.What did you say do you remember.A happy family?A loving family.Please try harder.Do you even know the definition of such a term?Do you remember the hug?I do.Your apologies i took, for what now..i'm throwing them to the wind.Happy memories i'm trying hard to recall.They are rare.Whos the selfish one here i want to ask.Whos the one who needs to see the light?I'm sorry she loves me.I'm sorry i'm here.I'm sorry i came too.I'm so sorry i exist.Too bad my existence isnt a choice for me to make.I think too much.I'm sorry too i feel more than her.I think you wont shed a tear if i die now.You will because it causes tremendous pain to someone else.Whos the victim?We both are.Who had the choice?you. The choice to love, to pick me here, to devote a bit more time to realise i'm suffering...since day 1.Dont u remember?I do.I cried that afternoon.I was 11.The date? 11/12/1999.I shut my world.Is it her faut?yes.The mistake.One mistake.Mel.Bless her.Shes more obedient and loving than me.Curse me.I'm stronger than her.I'm smarter too.Curse my brain.

Go.Go back.Leave the cash.Leave the money.find your desired peace.Did you seek God?I hope you do.Pride.You have too much of it.Tolerance, I have a lot of it too.You too.But what now?I feel.I have a purpose to fulfill, a life to lead, work to do, responsibilities to fulfill...if you think you understand me, try reading my mind.

This blog...needs to be shut down.It seems like ive said this quite a few times.This time.for real.I'm using livejournal for good.And this time.No one should know the address.I know my hormones have a part to play for me to feel this way but.i need to stop crying.i'll slap myself the next time i shed a tear.I have mastered reverting tears back.Now what.I dont need this.Dont come near me.The horrible,the unloveable.the untouchable too.maybe thats how it should be.

God.I know You are near.I know you are carrying me.But.this is hard.I need to move Lord.I really need a miracle.An ordinary miracle too.I didnt ask for much.Just...just...