Time to fly

Today...is..memorable.

I want to thank God i want to thank Him again.I dunno man...I want to know if someone out there actually suffers as much as i do.I think there are a lot of ppl out there...well...if i have God.I'm really not afraid.I'm dangerously calm...yet again..haha.

I thank God now for Ms Tham and her husband, Mr Albert Yeo.Mr Yeo, you will never find this blog, but i WANT TO SAY THANK YOU AGAIN.You are like a 4th father to me, although we corresponded in such a short period of time.I love choral music, i love music, i sing because God allows me to do so.I sing with my whole body...with the combination of mind, strength and will to produce sounds of music...never will I allow myself to sing without the alertness of such things.We choristers are gifted people man.And we are the blessed people too.

Hmm..I want to do work.I tried to do work and i still want to do work.i feel very guilty now that i accomplished so little given so much time...but yeah...I want to have peace.And I had it.I dont want to be a workaholic...work till i drop death..oh man...that thought scares me to death.

I thank God for starbucks haha...whatever man.The weather was very nice today.I thank god for the rain, its therapeutic all the time.

Gosh, so much pain.I still feel it.Everyday, the pain is just there, thwarting my heart, drenching my soul and robbing me of my sleep.I think i'm strong.yeah I AM.haha i self-praise yet again but yeah, i need to know i am.I think, after this episode is over, whenever that might be, i'll take flight.After IB, i'll take flight.So much hurt...I was watching the korean drama just now.My life..doesnt really differ much from it, to a certain extent.Wa lao.People should stage my life one day man.I'll be the star.I think its damn drama, too drama for my liking.And yeah, marriage and love and whats not themes that were in that drama made me think.If i get married at all, i vow to NEVER LET MY CHILDREN GO THROUGH THE PAIN I'M GOING THROUGH NOW. Or better, i wont get married at all so that no freaking children will suffer.I want to do law, i want do it very badly now.I want to run and scream and well, take flight but i'm not going to do that. There is hope in this house.God still reigns.God is still here and is very gracious still.

My wish is..no one, let no one i know suffer the same stuff i do. When I was in sec 4, i think i said the same thing...yeah.I just read that in my prayer book.One person is enough man.Lemme suffer it for you and u dont have to go through it.I sound a bit high and mighty but really, this is not stuff you want to experience.All of you, a lot of you now who might be reading my blog, thank you and take heart you dont have to go through it man, it sux.Its not break-up bgr thing.Its deep.

Well, ive leaked this blog to quite a number of people.well guys, if you are reading or something, THANK YOU. *CHRISTINE TAKES A BOW* I love you guys, especially you ERYN KWONG.Thank you my dear.I have faith in the acsi choir though you guys r well screwed.you have my support on that day.You have God too.

Lionel, lips, jeanette,alyssha,rachel,tsar nicolas,bunny,tee,ge,sloke,lucy,jin,audrey,lee min, gareth, edmund,marc,mr yeo...who else did i miss out...oh charles, ming wei, ying hao, mr james ong, mdm swamy,mr talbot, mr wong,wesley chan,mk,xl,kl,johntay,timlim......yeah..THANK YOU.I'm sure you all pray for me/comfort/put up with my crap/tolerate my pmsing/ one way or another the past few days.More to come guys...i doubt this is over soon..although i would really hope for it to be over.

haha...that list is in no particular order, pls dont feel sad if you are like..the last to be mentioned or too happy if you are the first to be remembered..i just list all of you because i feel too grateful and i think God, although he is very scary in letting me feel this thing now, is still extremely gracious..shown in the number of people He gathered to help me.You guys rock.I dont stone btw.


Oh....of course..music heals the soul.songs overplayed:

how to save a life
when the rain falls
let the music heal your soul
through it all
made me glad
break me
reflections
from the inside out
oceans will part
history maker
.
..
...

Finally, i'm letting it go.8 years of suffering, time to let go dont u think?I'm learning to let go, and yes,it WILL GO =)