Time to fly

Yeah.The hardest part of the month is over...hopefully.I know ive blogged for today but it seems like the blog is becoming more and more impersonal thanks to my refusal to emo-blog since there is like an audience now.I also realise that my blog is still linked to many of the youth leaders in Ywav..which means...they might have been reading in silence.Oh well.whatever right.

Anyway, yeah I cant stand it.I need to emo blog a bit for now.I need to do some consolidation of thoughts.The past week, has been, one word, unforgettable.I dont think i will ever forget it for the rest of my life.I've learnt loads...and Ive also grown much.I told Sheila repeatedly that only through pain and struggle can one grow in the Lord and with Him.I can counsel so well not because i have some talent or gift in it(maybe i do and thats God's gift for me) but really, the crux of it is that Ive gone through so much of those pain, all kinds...death, family brokeness...the worst 2 that one could have experienced.I understand whats like to lose sleep, to long for a night of peace, to feel a tinge of envy when one see a complete family free of problems.My life has been plagued by it but then again, ive not experienced the loss of a immediate family member like my cousin did, nor am i in a family of a drug addict and a jobless mom like my other cousin. The people around me are strong, and sometimes, that makes me feel pretty weak, pretty pampered and blessed to a certain extent.However, when i compare my childhood with those of some of the kids i met today, i feel that they are so much more fortunate and...unfortunate..because they are too spoiled. Ive learnt from my both dads that i need to work for what i want...if i want something, i work hard for it.If i want a holiday, i work for the grades that would earn me the trip.If i want to ask for something i need to work for it as well.My parents are strict, and as much as i still resent what they put me through sometimes because they are in the wrong this time and have refused to apologise, i still thank them at the end of the day. Yeah, im still very cold to my parents, especially my dad because i do believe he owes me an apology.Ive been very tolerant this time, because i understand hes going through something difficult but he needs to apologise too.Please practise what you preach.

At the end of this week, there are some major transformations...in a lot of areas of my life.To me, i think i'm really mature for an 18 yes?But then sometimes, i dont want to act that age...i still want to enjy my youth and thats why i act like some 16 year old a lot of times.I look at my mom and dont want to go through what she goes through.I look at her and i pity her and feel really guilty for making her feel torn.Luke something talked abt this...I'm not very good at remembering verses blah.

I have not mentioned God in anywhere above.but you know what, as much as i complain and such as above, I thank Him for everyday and thank him for everything he has done, the trials and the joys he has brought too.I could never hate God...not now at least.I'm learning to breathe, to let go and to live day by day, take things as they come day by day and do as God guides. As Sheila and auntie Phui Fun both agreed, that's the easiest way to deal with things.Whatever it is, God is good, all the time =)