Saturday, June 16, 2007
Vietnam-God's nudge in the hip
I refused to blog about vietnam for days , only coming to do so now that i couldn't stand it anymore.There are so many things to reflect, to ponder and most important of all, to learn and take away from. My heart feels really heavy right now;there were strings of thoughts which seem to vanish every time I decided to sit down properly and record them. My initial plan was to postpone this reflection until i'm done with my excessive amount of mugging...but it seems God is not patient this time. So, though i'm drained from mugging history, i will try my best to do a substantial recount of events happened that need to be reflected upon extensively. Normally, this kind of things go straigth into my prayer book...but for this time, i would do it here...writing takes too long, and by then most of my thoughts would have found their freedom.
It started well, or so i think. Day 1 being recounted below, and reread by my for 3 times now, doesnt scream "attention!". Day 2 was better than day 1. If i could illustrate it with a graph, it would be a TPP curve.(too bad if you don't take econs). Day 3 increasing in an increasing rate, day 4 on increasing in a decreasing rate and day 5 being the peak. day 6 and 7 and 8 are downward sloping parts of the curve..oh man..what is this..I'm supposed to reflect...not revising econs here! Anyhow that was the mood in an entity. Let's recount the good points first...
Sharing with/understanding Erica/sisterly bonding almost- If there is one thing I think God would want to me to treasure most out of the entire trip, it would be this tie that i have very much been blessed with. Erica and I get along well...in most matters and we are tolerant of each other. Despite the 3 years difference in age, we were really closed for most parts of the trip..almost to the very end to be honest. I think we have a lot in common, and a lot of differences as well. I realised...although we live on the same little island, we live in two very different worlds, the social worlds that is. I guess she knows it too. During my sharing, she normally remained really quiet,with a thoughtful expression on her face, occasionally asking questions regarding the parties involved in the story. It made her think i suppose, and i guess that's what my little antidotes on ACSI life are supposed to do =S My so-called counselling happened very spontaneously..I mean i planned for it to be at night, after work, after studies..but they always happened during work and during studies =S. Heh...Either way, after about 4 to 5 days of counselling about the SAME stuff, i realised i couldnt get them into her head much further by repeating the darn points, so i stopped. I didn't/don't know if that was the correct decision...cos sometimes i still feel guilty not having talked as much as we could have. oh wellz... And I haven't had her to seal the deal with me to stay single until Os are over...hayz..
Recounting this one made me feel like a failure really. There are many other things now that i think of it which made me feel like Ive really failed this "mission."I was supposed to take care of Erica, who, in BB standard, would have been my junior(3 yrs diff). I didn't do that very well, considering the last day and the 2nd last day. Even now as I think about the mad dash shopping sprees we made, It struck me quite heavily that I'm really not that mature, really inadequate, so very hyper (childish) still...how does that qualify me to be her mentor anyway?? I was quite confident amidst fears and nervousness when accepting the challenge. Was that confidence man-made, stemming from pride and my own strength? I guess so. Pride...is one word to summarise the whole point.I was reminded by the Spirit a good few times in many occasions, after which i did check my behavior and attitude..still...it manifested too much.
okie..i'm gonna post this one so i can start another one in which i'll TRASH OUT everything. Bleah..i'm dying..i feel like if i dont write/blog or scream it out somewhere, i'll just explode..and i can't study cos there are just TOO MANY straints og thoughts racing through my head at the same time.. okie..that's it for this post.
I refused to blog about vietnam for days , only coming to do so now that i couldn't stand it anymore.There are so many things to reflect, to ponder and most important of all, to learn and take away from. My heart feels really heavy right now;there were strings of thoughts which seem to vanish every time I decided to sit down properly and record them. My initial plan was to postpone this reflection until i'm done with my excessive amount of mugging...but it seems God is not patient this time. So, though i'm drained from mugging history, i will try my best to do a substantial recount of events happened that need to be reflected upon extensively. Normally, this kind of things go straigth into my prayer book...but for this time, i would do it here...writing takes too long, and by then most of my thoughts would have found their freedom.
It started well, or so i think. Day 1 being recounted below, and reread by my for 3 times now, doesnt scream "attention!". Day 2 was better than day 1. If i could illustrate it with a graph, it would be a TPP curve.(too bad if you don't take econs). Day 3 increasing in an increasing rate, day 4 on increasing in a decreasing rate and day 5 being the peak. day 6 and 7 and 8 are downward sloping parts of the curve..oh man..what is this..I'm supposed to reflect...not revising econs here! Anyhow that was the mood in an entity. Let's recount the good points first...
Sharing with/understanding Erica/sisterly bonding almost- If there is one thing I think God would want to me to treasure most out of the entire trip, it would be this tie that i have very much been blessed with. Erica and I get along well...in most matters and we are tolerant of each other. Despite the 3 years difference in age, we were really closed for most parts of the trip..almost to the very end to be honest. I think we have a lot in common, and a lot of differences as well. I realised...although we live on the same little island, we live in two very different worlds, the social worlds that is. I guess she knows it too. During my sharing, she normally remained really quiet,with a thoughtful expression on her face, occasionally asking questions regarding the parties involved in the story. It made her think i suppose, and i guess that's what my little antidotes on ACSI life are supposed to do =S My so-called counselling happened very spontaneously..I mean i planned for it to be at night, after work, after studies..but they always happened during work and during studies =S. Heh...Either way, after about 4 to 5 days of counselling about the SAME stuff, i realised i couldnt get them into her head much further by repeating the darn points, so i stopped. I didn't/don't know if that was the correct decision...cos sometimes i still feel guilty not having talked as much as we could have. oh wellz... And I haven't had her to seal the deal with me to stay single until Os are over...hayz..
Recounting this one made me feel like a failure really. There are many other things now that i think of it which made me feel like Ive really failed this "mission."I was supposed to take care of Erica, who, in BB standard, would have been my junior(3 yrs diff). I didn't do that very well, considering the last day and the 2nd last day. Even now as I think about the mad dash shopping sprees we made, It struck me quite heavily that I'm really not that mature, really inadequate, so very hyper (childish) still...how does that qualify me to be her mentor anyway?? I was quite confident amidst fears and nervousness when accepting the challenge. Was that confidence man-made, stemming from pride and my own strength? I guess so. Pride...is one word to summarise the whole point.I was reminded by the Spirit a good few times in many occasions, after which i did check my behavior and attitude..still...it manifested too much.
okie..i'm gonna post this one so i can start another one in which i'll TRASH OUT everything. Bleah..i'm dying..i feel like if i dont write/blog or scream it out somewhere, i'll just explode..and i can't study cos there are just TOO MANY straints og thoughts racing through my head at the same time.. okie..that's it for this post.
# posted by daydreamer @ 7:08 pm 
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