Friday, September 24, 2004
Quiet strength in a brutal world
I have been having this strong urge to blog but finding either no time or the opportunity to do so.I have quite a lot of reflect,especially when the past few days have not been great.
I want to clear up a few matters, especially issues regarding my health. I'm fine, I dont have any serious sickness or any diseases.What I'm having is a simple muscles strain on my left(and sometimes right) shoulder and my neck.For my breathing, its probably anxiety disorder.3 doctors have made it pretty clear that there's nothing to do with my heart or lungs so the only thing left that could have cause it is underlying stress.Stress that I'm not aware of, stress that I dont even know exists..until now.
It causes me to wonder whether anxiety and stress are really robbing me that much of my youth.Until yesterday, I have never the thought of regarding my family as broken.I have always believed that we were fine the way we were. Although my parents were divorced, i was little when it happened.I guess it had never really affected me that badly, probably because I was too young to understand the pain and seriousness of the situation. I only have flashes of a few fights they had, fights that ended in deafening clashes and screams of anguish. I remember vividly only 1 occasion when my dad furiously hurdled a teacup at the TV after a silly argument over which channels to watch.
I guess I had been affected.But who wouldnt be? Even a heartless child would be.Its too strong a feeling for anyone to surpass.After all, family is the basic unit of society, of our lives.
Our whole family will go for a counselling session soon.Many times I flitted through the pamphlets with counselling sessions in it and skipped the whole thing, didnt I know that my family would be attending one soon. Never say never.Another lesson from God.
Whatever it is, I hope everything turns out all right.I feel like there would be a lot to talk about..that is if I agree to/feel like talking.But one thing I know is, God is in control.Maybe He believes this is one thing our family has to pass to become stronger and more united.Just dont stop praying.NEVER stop trusting.
With God everything is possible.
I want to clear up a few matters, especially issues regarding my health. I'm fine, I dont have any serious sickness or any diseases.What I'm having is a simple muscles strain on my left(and sometimes right) shoulder and my neck.For my breathing, its probably anxiety disorder.3 doctors have made it pretty clear that there's nothing to do with my heart or lungs so the only thing left that could have cause it is underlying stress.Stress that I'm not aware of, stress that I dont even know exists..until now.
It causes me to wonder whether anxiety and stress are really robbing me that much of my youth.Until yesterday, I have never the thought of regarding my family as broken.I have always believed that we were fine the way we were. Although my parents were divorced, i was little when it happened.I guess it had never really affected me that badly, probably because I was too young to understand the pain and seriousness of the situation. I only have flashes of a few fights they had, fights that ended in deafening clashes and screams of anguish. I remember vividly only 1 occasion when my dad furiously hurdled a teacup at the TV after a silly argument over which channels to watch.
I guess I had been affected.But who wouldnt be? Even a heartless child would be.Its too strong a feeling for anyone to surpass.After all, family is the basic unit of society, of our lives.
Our whole family will go for a counselling session soon.Many times I flitted through the pamphlets with counselling sessions in it and skipped the whole thing, didnt I know that my family would be attending one soon. Never say never.Another lesson from God.
Whatever it is, I hope everything turns out all right.I feel like there would be a lot to talk about..that is if I agree to/feel like talking.But one thing I know is, God is in control.Maybe He believes this is one thing our family has to pass to become stronger and more united.Just dont stop praying.NEVER stop trusting.
With God everything is possible.
# posted by daydreamer @ 11:57 pm 
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